A long time ago

...in a land far away, or really just across the country when I was in college years back, I used to make mix tapes. Yes, tapes, that's how old I am. CDs were common, yes. But making mix CDs, while not unheard of, was mainly for people with computers that were more advanced than mine. So anyway, these tapes. I would condense a year of school and the attached summer into 240 minutes or so, that's two tapes for those of you keeping track. The mixes would contain music that was new for that release year, songs that meant something to my friends and I, songs that made us feel strong emotions of any sort, other music we heard at parties, titles that exemplified our personalities, you know, *meaningful* stuff. I've been sorting through my back room of late trying to get rid of things that I know I don't need, but can't seem to part with for whatever reason. I swear I'm not a hoarder, I only keep memories and important things...that serve no purpose. Which is why I'm working on getting crap out. I'm donating or selling those things that are salvageable and tossing things that are worthless. Thankfully for the most part I've been donating. So I'm not saving trash, just things that I don't need on a day-to-day or decade-to-decade basis that other people may benefit from. Except my CDs and random tapes. I no longer have a working tape deck, so I have no idea why I still have the tapes aside from memories and nostalgia. Again, not a hoarder. Maybe I'll make them into playlists for future listening pleasure.

But what do I do with the actual CDs? Do I donate them? Does anybody actually buy CDs anymore? I have plenty of friends that are music connoisseurs that buy vinyl and I make CDs for the car cause I surprisingly don't have an iPod hook-up there. (Let's call it lazy and move on.) So I've got all of the music from the CDs on my computer, in my cloud, and on my iPod. Do I need the CDs? And I can't say that I've bought a CD in ages, so they're all just old. I mean, I think I want to keep bootlegs and box sets and imports and things that were important enough that I spent a lot of money on them. But the overall state of my CD collection that has sat in my back room for five years is just dusty. I figure I can have a huge sale on Craigslist or take them to Half Price Books or Sonic Boom or something, but should I? It's my current dilemma. I'll think on it for a bit more.

While I've been sorting the back room I've thought a lot about where many of the assorted items back there came from. But I keep looking at the CDs and thinking about how very up to date and in touch with music I was back then and how I've fallen away from that since moving out here. I've very recently started picking up new music again, no not CDs, and enjoying the fuck out of it. I'd forgotten what the experience of listening to a new song was like. How something in the tune would touch me and I'd have that visceral reaction that made me want to listen to it more. And occasionally more and more and more. Yeah, I would listen to songs on repeat. Serious repeat. Still do. Anyway, I've come to understand a lot of how I enjoy music has more to do with the feelings elicited by the actual music than it is the specific lyrics. I do enjoy the lyrics too, and some recent music I have picked up is quote lurid and I never noticed it until someone else pointed it out, but it's the music that I react to. I've missed that joyful feeling and am currently listening to one playlist on repeat. When the sun is shining in the afternoon I can't help but turn on my iPod and listen with the volume turned up. It's not all new, some of it has been languishing in my wish list for a few years, but it's all new for me right now. I've been on a cloud these past few weeks and I don't want to come down and this resurgence of music enjoyment is continuing the high I've been feeling. So I just wanted to put this here. A reminder of this current joyful feeling and the fact that no matter how alone I feel later, there has always been and always will be the music.

So yeah, I'm happy. The music is currently happy and hopeful. I expect it won't last, but for the nonce I'll play the optimist and say I love you and I love life and I can't wait for the future. And with that I'll quit drinking the bourbon and go to sleep.