the only thing i can think of saying is...

i like ani difranco. well, some of her stuff at least.
mainly stuff from years ago when i was actually a vaguely angry youth :P

if you know what song the title of this post is from, you win a cookie.
homemade and hand delivered. as long as you live somewhere near me...

been sorting through a lot of memories today.
or yesterday really. as it's tomorrow.
well, not really...i haven't slept yet.
and it's never really tomorrow until i've gone to sleep.

essentially, i've been going through pictures.
long story short: my mom passed away (just over 3 years ago)
my dad moved from my childhood home
he opted to send me boxes of photographs.
and i just recently decided to go through them
maybe make a sort of organized chaos of them
an album, a collage, just lots of little file folders of memories captured on glossy paper.
dunno. it's been hard looking at some of them.
seeing my family whole and happy.
not fractured and strange.
my mom was the glue holding my simple life together.
now it's much more complex.
dad's remarried. my uncle and he don't speak. ever.
my grandmother is 89 and unhappy. who wouldn't be when you watched your daughter die
then your husband. and older sister too.
and your grandchild moves across the country to escape. what you ask? still don't know.

all that's left are my memories. and sometimes i don't think i can trust them,
i live in the idyllic past that is my mind. sometimes a few tears rise. but i rarely shed them.

amongst the pictures are letters.
from friends. from former lovers. from childhood. from other countries.
none matter so much as the present.
and we lack communication.

i have to stop looking at the photos.
but they are all over the living room.
and i can't stop until they are all sorted into little compartments
just like all the other orderly little filed memories.
things i should forget, but can't. or won't.
meh.
i'm being melodramatic.
i've always had a tendency towards prosaic writing
but no plot or resolution.
unrequited.

i have always been a storm.